We're cruising along down the street listening to Good Morning Gorillas!  (Sister, thanks for leaving it....I promise I'll send it back as soon as Abigail can quote it verbatim which I think will be sometime next week ).  Abigail pipes up from the back seat, "Hey, Mommy!  I can touch the window!"  She is absolutely amazed by this.  For the first time in her life, she can actually reach the window of the van from her car seat.  She's also realized that she can open the van's sliding door by herself.  Let's just say I'm not too thrilled about that development.  Anyway, she's sitting back there in her carseat, smiling with absolute joy at her accomplishment.  I bit my lip to hold back the tears.  Now, I'm generally an emotional soul....I can cry at the drop of a hat.  But, usually, I'm not so prone to melancholy that I would cry over my youngest being able to touch a window.  It's not like it's a huge milestone or anything.  But, the REASON that she can touch the window is actually a big thing....a huge thing...well, not actually the reason that she can touch the window...more like the reason behind the reason behind the reason....

Our van has two captain's seats in the middle row.  The seat behind the passenger front seat moves from the side of the van to the center.  Since Abigail arrived almost three years ago, she has ridden in that seat and Gracie has been in the seat immediately behind the driver's seat.  Thus, the explanation for why Abigail has never been able to touch the window.  She's been stuck in the middle, away from things like windows and doors for 35 months!  Last weekend, we swapped the girls' places.  Now, Abigail is strapped safely into the seat behind the driver with full access to the window.  And Gracie's pretty pink high-back booster seat is buckled in place in the spot that was Abigail's.  We did this for a momentous reason.  When Gracie gets in and out of the car-line at pick up and drop-off, she will be getting in and out of the car from the passenger side.  And we felt it was easier for her to do without climbing over Abigail.  So, the reason that Abigail can touch the window is because we had to make room for my oldest baby to get in and out of the car WITHOUT ME and head into the institutional abyss that is kindergarten WITHOUT ME so she can spend six long hours (plus 40 minutes) WITHOUT ME.  And, as Abigail was chattering merrily along about her newly discovered skill, I was choking back tears because we had just left Gracie at her school for the very first time WITHOUT ME.

Yes, my baby started kindergarten on Monday.  She's doing fantastic (well, she only went for four days this week...I'll tell you about that in a later post) and pick-up in the afternoon is a relatively smooth (albeit looooooooooooong) processs.  She's not quite ready for me to drop her off in the mornings yet, so I'm still walking her into her classroom, but I'm perfectly OK with that  (actually I'm better than OK with it...it would be perfectly fine with me if she'd let me walk her into her class every day from now until she receives her doctorate, but I'll take what I can get).    It's been a bit of a wild week - we've been getting used to the new schedule and there were several other random things going on (somehow, in my infinite wisdom, I managed to have THREE work deadlines for fairly hefty projects this week and we were finishing up swimming lessons, so we had a few late nights) that made for a bit of a bumpy trip, but I think we've all come through fairly unscathed.  Gracie wants to go back next week, which I'm taking as a good sign.  I'm not so sure I want her to go back next week, but I'm thinking I don't really have a choice .

So, here are the pictures of her first day:

Getting some last minute advice from Ruby and Emmie



Loaded up in her seat, ready to go:




The last stop before we walked in (can I tell you at this point, I really had to fight the urge to scoop her up and run, as fast as I could run, to somewhere, anywhere, that there is no such thing as public school for five year olds....I suspect that Steve knew this which is why he came with me to drop-off.  Because, the man can run faster than me and I knew that if I tried to run off with her, he'd catch me and bring her back...)  And yes, I know I cut her feet off in this picture, but I learned something about myself on Monday...I'm not a particularly good photographer when I'm chocking back sobs...





And sitting at her table (I had a portrait lens on my camera, and I was close to her, so really, this picture could have been taken anywhere...you'll just have to trust me that she was sitting at her table)




Here's Gracie with her teacher...I actually took this one at her "meet the teacher" day the week before school started.  Yes, Gracie wore the same outfit both days, she said that way her teacher would remember her....





And looking back into her room, just before we left and walked away...



And then Steve, Abigail, and I walked away and Gracie started her long path to growing up and away.  Well, almost.....

Years and years ago, when Gracie was a newborn infant, we took her to church.  And left her in the nursery.  I sat in the pew and tears started pouring down my face.  She was so little and I was leaving her with strangers.  A kindly-looking, older woman turned around in the pew in front of us and looked at me and started to speak.  I thought she was going to offer words of comfort.  She said, "I was a kindergarten teacher for many years.  You're going to be one of those moms who stands at the window of the kindergarten classroom crying.  When I had parents do that, I went straight to the window and shut the blinds."  Well, thanks nice church lady...you made me feel so much better.  And I fought the urge to stick out my tongue at her.  Well, on Monday, after we left the classroom, my friend Lara and I walked back up to the window and peered in to check on our girls.  The blinds were pulled, but they are Venetian blinds and weren't all the way closed, so we could see through the cracks.  So, take that mean church lady!    Gracie's teacher spied us peering through.  She waved slightly and smiled a welcoming smile, as if she understood exactly what we were doing and was telling us it was okay.  Gracie spied us about the same time and smiled a huge, happy smile, full of a lot of excitement.  Because I know her so well, I saw just a touch of fear, but mostly, she just look thrilled to be there.  And those two smiles, one of encouragement from her teacher, and one of happiness from my baby were the only reasons I was actually able to walk away from that huge building and head back home to play with Abigail (who by the way, still has three more glorious years before she starts kindergarten...and you can bet I'll be peeking through the slats on her first day, too!)