This year, Gracie is being graded weekly on her behavior.  Ummm, yeah, really.  My thought when I heard this was, oh boy, we’re in for quite a year.

This is the way the grading system works.  The children start off the week with 30 stars.  Each time a child doesn’t exhibit the behavior that the teacher wants them to in several key areas (talking, staying on task, following directions, playing nicely with others), that child loses a star.  If, at the end of the week, the child still has all 30 stars, he or she gets an A.  Lose one star, A-. Two stars B+.  Three stars B- and on and on until….well, you get the picture.

Let me be pretty clear.  I don’t think Gracie is a badly behaved child.  Personally, I think she’s awesome.  But, she does have trouble controlling her talking.  Her teachers over the years have called it different things.  “Oh, Gracie has such a vivid imagination and just loves to share her stories with everyone.”  “Gracie just has so many important things to say.”  “Gracie is very enthusiastic.”  All of which, of course, are euphemisms for “Gracie talks too much.”

So, I was pleasantly surprised when Gracie came home from school her first Friday with all 30 of her stars.  She was very, very proud of her A for the week.  That honeymoon lasted through the first two days of her second week.  Last Wednesday, she came home and told me that she’d lost two stars .  Thursday, she lost one and Friday, two more.  She brought home a C+ for behavior last week.

She had to stand in front of the class with the other children who lost 5 or more stars.  She wasn’t allowed to play water balloons with the rest of the class on Friday afternoon.  We got a note home from the teacher and Gracie was also required to write one to us.  Here’s hers:

If you need a translation, here it is:

I am horrible because I missed water balloons.  You are the best mom in the world, so can you not get mad at me.  Please do not be mad.  I lost my stars.  Why?  I lost 3 stars for talking and 1 for playing.

(Apparently, she either forgot about one of the stars or she lost another after writing this note)

And here’s my dilemma:

Steve & I expect Gracie to behave in school.  We expect her to listen when she’s supposed to and be quiet when it’s required.  Getting a C+ in behavior isn’t acceptable to us.  So, we sat her down this weekend and explained that to her.  We told her that if she got a C again, there would be consequences, namely she won’t get to go to Friday afternoon park day and there won’t be any TV for the week.  She didn’t receive those punishments this week because we hadn’t told them to her beforehand and we didn’t think it was fair to punish her without explaining everything to her.  Now she knows, so there are no excuses.

But, I am not upset with her.  I cannot be upset with her.  Could you be upset with her after reading that letter?  .  I believe, in my heart of hearts, that she’s trying very hard not to talk in school.  It is very, very difficult for her to do.  I tried to explain to Steve how I was feeling with an analogy.  Let’s say Gracie really struggled at math.  Would we be upset with her if she brought a C+ home on a math test?  No, of course we wouldn’t.  I don’t think Steve bought my analogy…he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. 

I think my point is this:  it’s a really fine line to walk when you’re a parent.  Part of me wants to discipline her for talking during school and part of me wants to say, “Well, that’s just who she is!” and take her in my arms and hug her and let her know that I love her and that I know she’s trying her very best and that it’s all okay.  I guess I’ll end up doing some kind of combination of both approaches.  Basically, I’ll just wing it.  Like I always do….