Gracie had her very first “real” dance recital yesterday.  It’s been a long time coming.  Two years ago, she took dance for a whole year.  The place where she danced had a kind of pseudo recital end-of-the-year dance program.  It wasn’t anything to write home about…Gracie actually danced with only one shoe because she’d left her other ballet slipper at a friend’s house and I didn’t check her bag until about two minutes before the program.  Last year, both Gracie and Abigail danced for half of the year, but after everything that went on with my dad through November and December, they missed a lot of lessons and it just didn’t make sense to continue through the year.

This year, Gracie took ballet and tap after school on Tuesdays.  I think she missed one lesson the entire year.  And it was all leading up to this – her recital on Saturday.

It was not without drama, of course.  She brought home her costume two weeks ago.  I didn’t try it on her because she said she tried it on at lessons.  Friday night, I finally convinced her to let me see her in it.  It was small.  Really small.  So small in fact that I called one of her friends to see if maybe they’d gotten their costumes mixed up.  I called the dance teacher (who I’m sure thought I was a complete idiot).  No, there was no costume mix-up.  She’d intentionally ordered Gracie the smaller costume and yes, she tried it on her.  So, all was good.

When we got to the auditorium on Saturday morning, I thought for sure that Gracie would have a complete meltdown.  It was loud…it was crowded…it was chaotic.    And the little girl I know and love does not handle situations like that well at all.  She loses it and cries and clings to me.  Sure enough, as soon as we walked through the doors backstage, I felt a quick jerk on my shirt.  Gracie was looking up at me with confusion in her eyes.  My poor baby, I thought.  This is going to be too much for her.  “It’s okay, baby!  Really, I promise you’ll be all right.”  She replied, “I’m fine Mommy!  I just don’t think this is where I’m supposed to be – no one else has on a costume like me.”  I assured her that we just hadn’t gone far enough into the depths of the backstage area.  I would have bet my last dollar that at any moment, Gracie was going to collapse on the floor in a heap of tears.  I didn’t expect this:

She was in her element from the moment she found her friends until the last shuffle step of her final number.

I realized last night after the end of a busy day that I need to “rethink” Gracie.  I still keep expecting her to act the way she did two years ago.  I still expect her to be socially immature for her age.  Because, for so very long she was.  She has grown up so much this year that I can barely keep up.  She still struggles sometimes, but much less than she used to.  It’s easier for her to make friends. She has fewer meltdowns in public.  (Her meltdowns are still epic at home – tonight she was completely out of control).  But, she’s learning to get a handle on her emotions.  If you had told me two years ago that Gracie would be able to dance on stage in front of hundreds of people, I’d have laughed.  But yesterday, she did.  With a smile on her face that was only matched by the one on mine.